


Leaving home

by SherlockianGirl14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, Heaven, Humanity, M/M, Self Acceptance, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 12:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4625169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockianGirl14/pseuds/SherlockianGirl14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel feels the need to explain to Sam. Because why would anyone leave heaven? It's only as he's doing it that he realises how much he blames himself for leaving, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving home

“Sammy,” Gabriel sighed, staring into space. He glanced back, smiling at the innocent, peaceful expression on Sam’s sleeping face. “I know you don't know me well. Hell, I know I look crazy right now. I'm just gonna- I'm gonna look away. This is weird,” he glanced up, his eyes latching onto nothing. That was what he settled for in the end- nothingness, a blank space. He stared at the wall as he spoke.  
“You probably think I'm a total ass, right? I mean, my past. You probably think I'm a coward. I get that, I do. I think I'm a coward, too. But I want you to know why I quit on heaven, why I hid. Truly know. I know you aren't listening right now, but still.  
“You, see, it was hell up there. Ironic, I know. Bet you didn't know I ditched heaven long before Luci did. I didn't get the sack- I jumped ship. I know I'm a piss-poor excuse for an archangel, but I can say that. I ditched on my own terms. Surprisingly, they let me. I guess they had bigger problems.  
“I hear dad jumped ship just after Luci got kicked out of the God squad. Makes sense, y’know? I know it's hard for you to believe, but Lucifer used to be dad’s favourite. Before you lot. People. Then, he turned into a jealous rat of a son. But dad still tried to please him. Over us. He was obsessed with our father. He went too far for it, but I will say for him that he did love God. Once you bunch arrived, he saw how we felt. Neglected, desperately following our father’s orders in any way we could. Except those became few and far between and it became a guessing game.  
“Lucifer was the angry, angsting teenager. He created that damned serpent and put evil in you guys to spite dad, but to get his focus back on track, too. You see, all this happened just before I left. There was outrage and dad was furious, but Lucifer didn't leave just then. I quit after the fighting got insane. Imagine sibling rivalry, expect the siblings are snapping each other's necks and then bringing them back- that's the equivalent of what Michael and Lucifer were doing. Anyone who got involved, it got worse. So I ran away. I came to live amongst you people. I became Loki, too. Witness protection and all. Found myself a vessel and a bag of tricks to go with it. You see, I'm a tale as old as time as far as you're concerned. I joined the Pagans at around the dawn of humanity. They accepted me pretty quickLay. Didn't know I'd tricked Odin into thinking I was one of them. That's something I learnt from Lucifer. Manipulation.  
“So I was their family, but really I was falling in love with people. Okay? I think it was after dad saw how impure Lucifer had made you that he got cast out, but I liked your impurities. So, I guess that's why. Why I jumped ship. It was unbearable. I loved my family. It wasn't just the pain they inflicted on me, it was the pain of seeing it go to shit in paradise. Seeing my family fall apart. I'm sorry I was a coward, Sam. I wish you were awake right now to talk to me, I know I'm gonna have to do all of this again and damn, it hurts, Sam,” he sighed, turning to stare at Sam. Who was wide awake.  
“I heard it all, Gabriel. You don't have to say it again,” he whispered, his eyes filled with understanding. “It sounds awful. Come here.”  
Gabriel nodded wordlessly, exhausted now from recounting it and the relief of Sam’s acceptance. He collapsed back against him, and he fell asleep accepting himself, too, for the first time.


End file.
